Why I’m Not A Fan Of OnlyFans

Every single piece of content on YouTube seems to be about how the West is facing a complete moral collapse. It’s either that, a cat or an unboxing video. Maybe if we combined the three I would be able to attain Mr Beast levels of subscribers.

To be honest I think they may have a point. The total moral collapse of the West, not the unboxing ones. Everywhere I look our culture seems to be descending into some kind of weird moral degeneracy. The latest example of this is the competition for the Ballon De Whore, the two main competitors are Lilly Phillips and Bonnie Blue. Now if you don’t know who these two fine young ladies are. Congratulations! You’re a massive liar. Everyone knows who these two are. Stop pretending. We’re all contaminated by the internet now. It’s too late.

These ladies are competing to have sex with the most men in a twenty four hour period. This truly is the Lionel Messi versus Cristiano Ronaldo of 2025. The only thing worse than the women are the men. What man waits in a queue, longer than the one needed to book a GP appointment, to have sex with a woman? That’s right. Men who identify as sex positive. The only thing positive about these lads will be the results of their STD tests. And then they get interviewed afterwards like some kind of weird incel football player. And the worst bit is they only get two minutes with her. To be fair I’ve destroyed my reputation in acts that have taken less time than two minutes. But at least they weren’t recorded and I didn’t have to wait in a queue to make a twat out of myself.

The depressing thing is that 2% of American women between the ages of 18 and 45 are on OnlyFans. That’s one in fifty. And most of them don’t even earn $1000 a month. Can you imagine how soul destroying that must be? Getting your vagina out and asking the world how much it’s worth. And the world goes… seven Dollars. You’ve only got six subscribers and one of them is your dad. Brutal.

And then what do you do when you retire from OnlyFans? Because once the content is out there. It’s out there. And trust me if you have kids they’re going to get destroyed at school. Imagine if your mum was a webcam girl. Your life would be made a misery. But maybe at that point everybody’s mum would be on there, so the weird kids would be the ones whose mums didn’t get their minge out for the subs.

Do you remember in the 90s we used to look at the Amish and go “ugh that’s so weird”. But now you look at them and go “actually you were right all along”. How do I sign up? They even forbid people from taking their photos. Who likes having their photos taken? Weirdos and narcissists. YouTubers basically. I’m a YouTuber (pretends to be sick) and even I want out.

Do you remember that afternoon you left your phone at home and the bliss that you felt? Well if you join the Amish you’re going to be doing that forever. I can’t imagine they go on each other’s Instagram accounts and get jealous because someone has a bigger plough. Well maybe the women… And maybe the men if they’re that way inclined.

Something needs to be done because we can’t keep going down this path. At what point are we going to be able to say enough is enough. Because we can’t keep going down this nuclear porno arms race. Something has got to give. Otherwise everyone’s going to be on OnlyFans including me and no one wants to see that. Least of all you.